Soul Recognition
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So today I'd like to talk to you about the difference between soul recognition and soul mate.
Now, you don't need to believe in past lives to believe in having a soul mate or to believe that you can recognize someone soul to soul when you come across them, you can, but you don't have to. It doesn't matter a bit. It doesn't matter to me and it doesn't matter to your understanding of this situation.
So when I was professor, I can't tell you how many times I had young people, usually women, sitting in my office after a breakup, crying always crying, saying, “but I knew him. I knew him,” and yet the relationship had ended. It wasn't the end all be all relationship that they thought it was going to be, And why is that? Because that person wasn't their soulmate. That wasn't the person they were supposed to be with.
But what they meant when they said, “I knew him” was that they had recognized that person.
And especially when we're young and that experience is very new, that's really really profound, and you feel you recognize that person and you associate that with the idea that you were supposed to be together forever, that that person is somehow supposed to be connected to you. And especially when you mix that in with being lovers, it just becomes so very, very intense. I mean, I remember college, and that was certainly the way I experienced much of my life at college.
But soul recognition is not the same thing at all as soulmates.
Soul recognition is simply that person is supposed to be in your life.
How long and to what degree and for what purpose is up in the air, and it doesn't mean that that person is supposed to be everything to you. It just means that is someone who has come into your life that you at some level recognize and are comfortable with and believe that you're supposed to be close to.
Now, when you meet a soulmate, you can tell the difference. Because, when you meet a soulmate, instead of that rush of, “Oh, I know that person. I know that person. Yay, I know that person! Isn't that exciting!” instead of that rush you get this assurance, this warmth and assurance from deep inside you that this is the right person.
When I first met my husband, when I first saw him across a crowded market, the message I got was “this is your husband.” NOT “this is someone you're supposed to meet. This is someone you're supposed to love. This is someone you're supposed to be with.” But a very clear “this is your husband,” and my reaction was, “oh, well, you know it's really not a convenient time, And why would that be?” and all of that stuff. I was not into the idea at first and what I got in response to that was, “Okay, you have other choices. You don't have to choose that, but your other choices have consequences too.”
And I immediately felt what some of those consequences would be. So I knew I felt very strongly that if I wanted what I always said I wanted, which is happy and sustained marriage, then that that man standing over there was my husband. And if I wanted something else then I could wait and marry someone else and that was just fine. But that man I knew from my reaction was my soulmate, but you know, even then because you don't have the immediacy than I did, you know, fifteen years before when I was at a university. You don't have the “Ah” sort of rush, It doesn't hit you in quite the same way. I was old enough that I knew and I felt sure, but not everyone is, and sometimes you just have to wait and see.
So if you're in a relationship that you think is a soulmate relationship, but you find out that this is not the right person for you, that's fine. That's fine. It's probably not a soul mate relationship. It is probably a soul recognition relationship, in which case you were supposed to learn something from that and grow from that and experience that and move on.
Leave it behind you and move on and do better than you did last time and do better and learn something.
So give yourself a break. Try not to marry when you're in the middle of a soul recognition moment. Lots of people do that, and then they get divorced a few years later and they think well, I dunno what went wrong. But something went wrong. We just weren't right for each other.
and then they lose confidence in their intuition. And your intuition is NOT wrong here. It's just that your intuition has been incomplete, and you don't have the full story. And the full story is this is someone you were supposed to know, but not someone you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with.
So when you think you might have encountered that person, try and step back a little bit and listen to your inner voice, your innermost voice. Not the one saying “that's a really hot guy,” the other inner voice.
And ask, “is this person to be my partner in life, or is this person just someone I'm supposed to know?"
And hopefully that will help you understand and help you clear up any sense of lingering guilt that you have for failed relationships. Because failed relationships are just experiences like any other. And it's just fine. You learn from them and move on. Thank you.
